His wife rang up the hospital to find out if the operation was a success, and the doctor informed her, “I’m sorry but it’s still touch and go!”
The reception clerk replied, “Sir, that’s ridiculous. Have you looked for the door?”
Billy Bob says, “Well, there is one door to the bathroom. There’s a second door to the closet. And there’s another door which I have not tried, but it has a ‘do not disturb’ sign on it.”
Q. Why did the rooster switch on the TV?
A. Just for some hentertainment!
The first tourist, Amar, threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken four steps.
The second tourist, Vinod, threw his watch and had hardly taken three before when he heard his watch shatter.
The third tourist, Harry, threw his watch and by the time he had taken two steps, the watch hit the ground.
The fourth tourist, Santa Singh, threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a cup of coffee from a shop down the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
“How on earth did you do that?” asked all his friends.
“Simple”, Santa Singh replied, “My watch is slow by 30 minutes.”
The Frenchman bowed and said, “Bon appétit!”
Mr. Singh was confused, but he bowed back and replied “Singh.”
For the next couple of days, the same routine followed at every meal.
One day, a fellow passenger took Mr. Singh aside and said to him, “Listen, the Frenchman is not telling you his name. When he says ‘Bon appétit!’, it simply means ‘Good Appetite’.”
During the next meal, a confident Mr. Singh, bowed to the Frenchman and said, “Bon appétit!”.
And the Frenchman, smiling back, replied: “Singh!”
Oxymorons are figures of speech combining contradictory terms.
Some TOP OXYMORONS for you to reflect on. Take a pick of your favorite ones…
**Military Intelligence
**Resident alien
**Advanced BASIC
**Genuine imitation
**Same difference
**Almost exactly
**Business ethics
**Twelve-ounce poundcake
**New classic
**Passive aggression
Harry and Barbra’s marriage has been on the rocks for a while, so when they hear about a marriage seminar being given in their neighborhood they decide to attend. “One of the most important things in marriage”, said the speaker, “is to get to really know your spouse well. For example,” continued the speaker, “How many of you know what’s your wife’s favorite type of flower?” Harry leaned over to Barbara and whispered, “it’s gold medal all-purpose flour isn’t it?”
Sam: Really?
Jack: Yep. A stock broker who jumped out of the window of his sixteenth floor office, saw a computer monitor on the eleventh floor and did a U-turn.
A: A Pit bull lets go when you’re dead!
Joey, a farmer from the country, went to the big bad city to see the sights.
He inquired with the hotel’s clerk about the time of meals.
“Breakfast is served from 7 to 10, lunch from 12 to 3, and dinner from 6 to 8,” explained the clerk.
“Look here,” inquired Joey in surprise, “When will I get time to explore the city?”
